The Wizards of Oz!
by Faith and Kaelio
Summary: Insane randomness, OOCness in the name of humor, and so many odd OC's they'll be flowing out your ears!
1. Part 1

The Wizards of Oz!  
  
8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8  
  
A/n: It's a parody of the Wizard of Oz!  
  
D/c: WE OWN ANYTHING YOU DON'T RECOGNIZE!!!!!  
  
8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8  
  
It was bright and sunny day in July. Harry was stuck with the Dursley's again. Harry was lying in the back yard staring up into the cloudless sky. Hedwig was perched in a tree.  
  
"Man, this is boring." Harry said.  
  
Then, all of a sudden, dark clouds filled the sky. The wind picked up and rain began to fall. At the end of the street a tornado formed!  
  
"AUNTIE PETUNIA! Auntie Petunia! It's a twister! It's a twister!" Harry screamed running into the house with Hedwig swooping in after him.  
  
To Harry's misfortune, the Dursley's had known about the twister for over a day now, so they weren't home. Harry didn't know what to do. He was scared out of his mind. He ran and hid under his bed. The house was lifted off the ground by the force of the tornado and began twirling and twirling and twirling...  
  
THUMP! AHHHH! SQUISH! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!  
  
Harry crawled out from under his bed and walked down stairs. Just before he opened the door, Hedwig swooped down and perched on Harry's shoulder. Harry took a deep breath and opened the door. He took a step out of the house and looked at the world around him. He wasn't on Privet drive any more...  
  
"Hedwig, I don't think we're in England any more...." Harry said.  
  
Then, out of nowhere, strange music begins to play and a pink bubble came flying down from the sky. The bubble landed in front of him and Voldie, wearing a pink dress, materialized in front of Harry! Harry screamed like a girl and tried to run. Voldie pulled his wand with a little star, seemingly stuck on with Elmer's glue, and made Harry's feet stick to the ground.  
  
"Don't run Harry! I am a good witch." Voldie said.  
  
"Where's Glinda?" Harry asked.  
  
"Out sick with the flu." Voldie replied.  
  
A bunch of giggling was heard from all over the village they were in.  
  
"Come out every one! It's alright!" Voldie said.  
  
Bunches of little house elves and Dumbledore came out. As they left their hiding places, they shouted, "WE ARE THE MUNCHKIN PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOW DOWN TO THE MUNCHIN PEOPLE! WE ARE BETTER THAN ALL OF THE TALL PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY SELL US AT DONUT PLACES SO THERE!"  
  
"Riiiiiiight...." Harry said. "Hey, how do I get out of this hell hole?"  
  
"Follow the yellow brick road! Oh, don't forget the ruby slippers!" Voldie said. Voldie ran over to the poor squished giant squid and took the ruby slippers off of two of its feeties and handed them to Harry.  
  
"I am not wearing those!" Harry yelled.  
  
"Why not?" Voldie asked.  
  
"They're high heels!!" Harry said.  
  
"I think they're cute. WEAR THEM!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Rubino pantofola!"  
  
The ruby slippers attached themselves to Harry's feet.  
  
"NOooooooooo!" Harry yelled. He tried to pull them off but they didn't budge no matter how hard Harry pulled at them. They were stuck on with Elmer's glue.  
  
"Now go Harry! Go find the Wizards of Oz! Remember follow the yellow brick road!" Voldie said.  
  
Harry walked off grumbling and occasionally tripping cause of the heels.  
  
8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8 


	2. Part 2

Wizards of Oz!  
  
8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8  
  
After ten minutes of walking and over fifty falls, Harry reached a fork in the yellow brick road. There was a scarecrow in the cornfield between the two paths. The scarecrow was Cho!  
  
"Cho?" Harry asked.  
  
"Are you talking to me?" Cho the scarecrow asked.  
  
"You are Cho, aren't you?" Harry said.  
  
"I don't know." Cho replied.  
  
"What are you doing hanging from that post?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"How can you not know?"  
  
"I don't have a brain. If I only had a brain..."  
  
"Then what?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"How can you not know?"  
  
"I don't have a brain. If I only had a brain..."  
  
"Then what?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"How can you not know?"  
  
"I don't have a brain. If I only had a brain..."  
  
"Then what?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Didn't we already have this conversation?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"How.... Wait, I'm not getting in to that conversation again"  
  
"What conversation?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I don't have a brain either and I've been sucked here by a tornado."  
  
"If I only had a brain!" Cho and Harry sang in unison.  
  
"Well, I'm going to go to the wizards to see if they'll be able to get me back home. Wanna come and see if they can give you a brain?" Harry asked Cho.  
  
"Sure. OK." Cho said.  
  
Harry helped Cho down from the post she was hanging from. Cho and Harry took the left path and walked/stumbled down the yellow brick road.  
  
8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8 


	3. Part Pi

The Wizards of Oz!  
  
8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8  
  
100 trips later, Cho and Harry reached a dark forest.  
  
"Look! There's a person. Maybe they can give us directions to the wizards!" Cho said.  
  
"Cho, that's a tree..." Harry said.  
  
"Oh," Cho said. "Hey look, let's ask that person!"  
  
"Cho, that's the same tree..."   
  
"Excuse me! Sir!"  
  
"Cho, stop talking to the tree, damn it!"  
  
"OOOH! Look at the shiney thing over there!"  
  
Cho ran into the woods shrieking "SHINEY! SHINEY! SHINEY!" before running into a tree. Harry came stumbling into the forest after her and spotted a man made entirely out of tin that looked strangely like Neville.  
  
"Neville?" Harry asked the tin man.  
  
"Met uh oil an." the tin man said through a rusted mouth.  
  
"Met uh oil an?" Harry asked back.  
  
"Mh! Oil an!" the tin man shouted back.  
  
"Lookie! I found a tea pot!" Cho shouted holding up the oilcan and Cho went to the stove that was just THERE and started to make tea.  
  
But then Harry found another oilcan with a cow on it. Harry tried to oil up Neville, but the oil looked strangely white and it didn't seem not be helping.  
  
"Rphloo! Rphloo!" Neville shouted.  
  
Then Superman flew to Harry and Neville and used goo-be-gone to get rid of the glue.  
  
"Hello Superman, would you like some tea?" Cho asked.  
  
Superman, knowing better, refused the tea and flew away.  
  
Then, Neville punched Harry in the jaw for putting glue in his mouth.  
  
"What the fuck did you do that for?!?!?!?" Harry yelled.  
  
"Read the line before what you just said!" Neville shouted back.  
  
Harry pulled a thick wad of papers out of his back pants pocket and started to read.  
  
"Oh, ok." Harry said.  
  
"Glue doesn't taste good!" Neville shrieked, "Let's see how u like it!" and Harry got a faceful of glue. Soon, they immersed in a Mega-Glue War.  
  
An hour later, when both boys were very gluey, Cho said, "Tea anyone?"  
  
"Uh... no." Harry and Neville said.  
  
Cho started to cry. But then N*SYNC came wandering into the woods and drank Cho's tea and they all dropped dead and THE PEOPLE CHEERED! Cho cried even harder.  
  
"It's not fair!!" Cho cried.  
  
Harry and Neville ignored her wails.  
  
"So, Neville, what are you doing out here?" Harry asked.  
  
"Well, I was chopping down that tree when this strange fat kid threw a bucket of water on me." Neville answered.  
  
"Well, that's not nice."  
  
"I know! He did it just cause I don't have a heart!"  
  
"Well, maybe the wizards can give you one!"  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah. Cho get up. We're going to the wizards."  
  
"Yippee!" Cho shouted as she jumped off the ground. "I'm going to get a brain! I'm going to get a brain!"  
  
The three of them skipped, well, tripped, down the yellow brick road with Hedwig leading the way.  
  
8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8  
  
The forest got super dark and super scary. The three people held on to each other tightly, afraid of what may be in the forest.  
  
"It sure is scary..." Cho said.  
  
"I wonder what could be in the forest..." Harry said.  
  
This part is boring so we'll fast forward to the good part. The scene sped up till....  
  
"Dragons, screwties, and acromantulas.... OH MY! Dragons, screwties, and acromantulas.... OH MY! Dragons, screwties, and acromantulas.... OH MY! Dra-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" the group (including Hedwig) shouted.  
  
A lion jumped out of the woods and stopped in its tracks when it saw the group of "people".  
  
"HEEEEEEEEELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's a...a.... POTTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And....a.... a.... STUPID THING AND SOMEONE MADE OUT OF TIN AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" The lion screamed. "DON'T HURT MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Professor Snape?" Harry asked before getting hit upside the head with a copy of the Scarlet Letter.  
  
"HEEEEEEEELP!!!!!! SAVE ME FROM THE EVIL SNA-- oh wait...that's me..." he broke off looking confused.  
  
"KITTY!" Cho shouted. She ran towards the Snape lion to try and pet it but Snape ran behind a tree to hide.  
  
"That's a very mean lion," Neville observed.  
  
"This is great! Snape's afraid of everything!" Harry said before being pummeled by a swarm of Scarlet Letter books. God only knows where they keep coming from...  
  
"What's that?" Neville asked. He was referring to a small voice shouting, "SPUUUUUUUUUURET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Sounds like Hermione," Harry said.  
  
Sure enough, Hermione came walking down the yellow brick road with a box.  
  
"Hermione, what's in the box?" Harry asked.  
  
"Hey! I'm in a club called S.P.U.R.E.T. and that stands for Society for the Protection of Uncontrollable Really Evil Teachers, wanna join? I got badges!" Hermione opened the box to show a bunch of badges.  
  
At that moment, Ron came running out of the woods.  
  
"You don't want to join her stupid club! Join the Society Against Really Evil Teachers! It's way better!" Ron said.  
  
"SHINEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" said Cho looking at the badges Hermione was holding. "I'LL JOIN!!!!!!"  
  
She reached into the box and grabbed out a large handful of at least 20 or 25 badges and pinned them all over her clothes and even her skin, which is made of straw, but for some reason it still hurt.  
  
"Wait, who are you trying to protect?" Harry asked.  
  
"The evil teachers! There's Mrs. Klein (ChosMurderer's science teacher), Mrs. Ellenbecker (Faith's algebra teacher), Mr. LaVine (a really evil sub teacher at Faith's school), and Mrs. Howard! (ChosMurderer's 4th grade teacher)" Hermione explained.  
  
"Why would you want to protect those losers? Join S.A.R.E.T. and help rid the world of really evil teachers and protect the students! They're the ones who really need the help!" Ron said holding out S.A.R.E.T. badges.  
  
Cho, in awe of the shineyness of those badges too, grabbed them too after exclaiming, "I WANNA JOIN!" She stuck those badges on too and danced around so happy about having the shiney badges.  
  
Then she realized that it hurt real bad and started screaming out 'Ouch!' partly because of the shiney pins and partly because she just walked into a tree that she thought was a giant band-aid. Then she cried.... A LOT.  
  
She cried so much that a river started to flow.  
  
"God damn it woman! You ruined my shoes!" Harry yelled.  
  
And then they ran into some little cookies that said 'EAT ME' so Cho ate them and she got fatter and fatter and fatter............... Till she was too fat to even fit on the path. Harry and the rest of the gang started to run for their lives afraid that she might squash them. Then Cho turned into a giant blueberry and the Oompa-Loompas had to take her away to un-blueberryize her. But fortunately, the Oompa-Loompas couldn't un-blueberryize her so Cho remained a giant blueberry forever and spent the rest of her life attached to a blueberry bush. But then miraculously, a cowardly, slimy-haired lion came by and picked her to eat, and she ran away to kill the Oompa-Loompas who couldn't unblueberryize her. Then everybody cheered and continued down the yellow brick road.  
  
8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8 


	4. Part 3654

The Wizards of Oz!  
  
8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8  
  
Soon they were out of the forest and into a lovely field of onions, parsnips, pearls, and Scarlet Letter novel bushes.  
  
"I'm hungry." Harry said.  
  
"Let's have a picnic!" Neville said.  
  
"Are you sure it's safe? I'm not to comfortable with all these Scarlet Letter novels around..." Snape said.  
  
"IT'S SAFE! NOW LET'S HAVE A PICNIC!" Harry shouted.  
  
"But we have no food to eat!" Neville pointed out.  
  
They puzzled over this for a long time before Snape suggested eating the scarlet letter books because they looked scary. So they ate the books and they ate and ate and ate until the parsnips started to make them sleepy. But they couldn't sleep because of a horrible high pitched squeal that was screeching "SHINEY SHINEY SHINEY!"  
  
"Is that...?" Snape inquired. The dead silence stood for about 3 seconds, then everybody ran as fast as they could. Sure enough, something giant and blue was beginning to emerge from the forest.  
  
"KILLER BLUEBERRY!!" they shouted.  
  
But the blueberry was faster than them and soon caught up with them.  
  
"Lookie! Shiney things!" Cho said.  
  
"Cho, those are onions," Harry said.  
  
"Pearlies!"  
  
"Onionies!"  
  
"Pearlies!"  
  
"Onionies!"  
  
"PARSNIPIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Oki," they said together.  
  
Before any one could say any thing else, they were hit with tranquilizer darts. They dropped to the ground and slept.  
  
8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8  
  
A/n: short chapter muhahahaaha!!!!!!! 


	5. Part 69752563762

The Wizards of Oz!  
  
8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8  
  
When they woke up, they found themselves in a secret lair. Which was actually a cage at the Zoo of Oz. And in the Zoo of Oz, they were in a cage with a polka-dotted penguin.  
  
"Hello," the penguin said. "This is my secret lair."  
  
"Shiney!" Cho said, pointing at the cage bars.  
  
"Why are we here?" Harry asked.  
  
"You are here for one of my experiments," the penguin replied.  
  
"Experiments?!?!?!" Snape cried.  
  
"No need to worry, I'm just going to need a very large blueberry and some lion teeth for my experiment."  
  
"Yay! We aren't a part of it!" Harry, Neville, and Cho cried.  
  
"Cho," Harry said. "You are a giant blueberry."  
  
"And....?" Cho said. "He needed a giant Blueharry not a blueberry, don't you see?"  
  
"Take her!" Neville and Harry cried.  
  
"Look there they are!" a person said as they passed by the bars of the cage.  
  
"Something seems.... missing," the penguin muttered to himself as the people passed, laughing.  
  
"A poka-dotted penguin." Neville said.  
  
"Nope.... nope..." the penguin said starting to pace.  
  
"Harry Potter." Neville suggested.  
  
"Nah....too predictable." the penguin replied.  
  
"I know! The heart of a tin man!" Harry said to get revenge at Neville for saying him.  
  
"But I don't have a heart!" Cho said.  
  
"You are a blueberry, Cho." Harry said.  
  
"Yea, and he wanted a giant blueberry!"  
  
"I'm a tin man!" Neville said.  
  
"Okay, I'm going to need your heart," the penguin said.  
  
"I don't have one." Neville said sadly.  
  
"How can you NOT have a heart?!" the penguin roared. "Grrr.... I can't use you now."  
  
"But I want to be in the speriment!" Neville cried.  
  
"But I can't do the experiment now!" the polka-dotted penguin said, starting to cry. Then the lion started to cry because he was scared and Harry started to cry because he was freaked out and Cho started to cry because everybody else was crying and she didn't want to feel left out. Neville rusted. Cho got soggy. Harry ruined his shoes. And the penguin lost his poka-dots. The poor penguin. The Zoo visitors cried for the penguin. And Harry lost his...his...his...um...something.  
  
And the salt from their tears got in the lock of their cage and everybody escaped except for Snape because he was too scared to come out of the cage.  
  
"SNAPE! Get out here!" Harry yelled.  
  
"But it's scary...." Snape whimpered.  
  
"That penguin will eat you if you don't get out here." Harry lied.  
  
"But the penguin's out there!"  
  
"Get back in the cage you stupid penguin!"  
  
"But why? I hate it in that stupid zoo! This is my one chance for escape!" the penguin said.  
  
"Fine." Harry said.  
  
8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8 


	6. Part 182345

The Wizards of Oz!  
  
8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8  
  
The group, including Snape, escaped from the Zoo and became fugitives. -dun dun DUN!-  
  
As they ran from the law, they tried to find the yellow brick road. They saw no sign of if and took the nearest road, which happened to be the blue brick road. They traveled down that for a while then they turned down the red brick road. Then the green brick road, and then the orange brick road, and then the white brick road, then the black brick road, then the teal brick road, and then the pink brick road, and then the poka-dot brick road, then the plaid brick road, then the checkered brick road, and then the rainbow brick road, and then the yellow brick road, and then the purple brick road, and found them selves back on the blue brick road again. They repeated this path another 7,845 times before actually staying on the yellow brick road.  
  
"Lucky I saved some of the shineys to eat!" Cho said.  
  
"Okay," Neville said brightly. "Which way to the wiz?"  
  
"We just follow the yellow brick road." Harry said.  
  
"But which way? Up that way or down that way?"  
  
"How am I supposed to know?! I've never been to the Wizards' place!"  
  
"Let's try up that way," Dumbledore said.  
  
"Nah..... let's go down that way!" McGonagal said, bouncing up and down.  
  
"Where the heck did you come from?" the Penguin asked.  
  
"Where did you come from?" Beth's mother said.  
  
"Mom, stay out of my fic!" Beth (ChosMurderer's fake identity) screamed.  
  
"How about..." started a purple apple.  
  
"Why not...." started a red grape.  
  
"SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Cho screamed. Everybody did.  
  
"Follow the bouncing ball!" an annoying announcer guy said. Everyone listened to him and followed the bouncing ball. The ball bounced down the hill and everybody chased it into the forest.  
  
"Let's go up," Neville said.  
  
"Mmmkay." the rest of the group said.  
  
And they headed upward into a jungly-like place.  
  
"It's hot as heck in here!" the penguin said loosening his scarf.  
  
"I don't like this place..." Snape said.  
  
The threesome of Cho, Harry, and Neville linked arms again and said, "dragons and whatevers and acromantulas, OH MY!"  
  
"What's a whatever?" the penguin asked.  
  
"Well, you don't expect me to remember everything!" Cho shouted.  
  
"Well anyway, that part was in the forest, not the jungle." the penguin said matter-of-factly.  
  
"Wanna bet?" Cho asked.  
  
"Look in the script!" the penguin said. So Cho looked in the script and found everything that they just said.  
  
"Damn, the penguin's right." Cho said throwing the script down.  
  
"Oh! Cho said a bad word!" Snape said.  
  
"Potty-mouth!" the penguin said.  
  
"Let's wash her mouth out with soap!" Neville said.  
  
"FOAM-BLASTER SOAP!" Snape said.  
  
"Anti-bacterial foam-blaster soap!" the penguin said.  
  
"Blue anti-bacterial foam-blaster soap!" Neville said.  
  
"Blue anti-bacterial foam-blaster soap with extra foaming action!" Snape said.  
  
"Blue anti-bac--" Neville started, but Harry interrupted,  
  
"Let's just wash the damn blueberry's mouth out!"  
  
"HARRY SAID A BAD WORD!" Snape said, dancing around now.  
  
"Time to wash his mouth out with blueberry-scented blue anti-bacterial foam-blaster soap with extra foaming action!" the penguin said.  
  
"And hers," Neville reminded them.  
  
Neville, Snape, and the penguin pulled out bottles of blueberry-scented, blue, anti-bacterial, foam-blaster soap with extra foaming action and sprayed Harry and Cho. It was the tin man who first realized that they had no water to rinse it with.  
  
"We have no water to rinse this with!" the tin man said.  
  
"Hmmmmmmmmm," said the penguin. "That could propose a problem."  
  
"Hey!" Cho screeched. "There's a well!"  
  
Everybody looked over and, shocked, they saw a well.  
  
"She...she...she...." Harry said.  
  
"I don't.... believe...it," Neville said.  
  
"It... can't be..." Snape growled.  
  
"SHE SAID SOMETHING USEFUL!!!!!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" some one in the audience screamed.  
  
The rest of the theater said "SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"  
  
Meanwhile, on stage, they all took the audience member's advice and ran the other way. They circled the globe and reached the well on the other side. There, they found the edge of the earth and fell off. They jumped back on it and found themselves standing by a well next to a rotting scarecrow.  
  
"It's a well!"  
  
"Let's get some water to rinse off the soap!"  
  
"Good idea!"  
  
"Hey, I think that's Cho!"  
  
"Cho, Cho! Wake up! Oh dear, oh dear! Someone has to perform.... C-P-R!"  
  
"EWWWWWWWWWWWW!" they all said.  
  
"Well, someone has to do it!"  
  
Just then, a group of EMTs came running over with all their equipment.  
  
"Hey," one of the EMTs said, "she doesn't have a brain. She should be dead."  
  
The other two EMTs shrugged, and they picked up all their equipment and started to leave.  
  
"Wait!" the other EMT said.  
  
"What?" the other two EMTs said.  
  
"She's so beautiful!" the first EMT said.  
  
"Eeeewwwwwwww," everybody else said, including Cho. The penguin then bashed the EMT's head in with a pillow.  
  
"What did you do that for?" the EMT asked.  
  
"SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!"  
  
Then NSYNC came in singing "Girlfriend". Every one screamed and ran.  
  
"Hey," Snape said, "we already killed you!"  
  
"Hey.... that's right!" The rest said.  
  
"Oh," Justin said, before the entire band dropped dead.  
  
Meanwhile....  
  
8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8 


	7. Part 000000000000001

If you don't know the title of this story, you should be taken out and shot.  
  
8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8  
  
Penguin and that one EMT were in a huge fight! And penguin was loosing! Penguin threw a punch and hit the EMT in the knee.  
  
"DAMN IT!" the EMT shouted.  
  
Everyone gasped. Penguin turned red with anger.  
  
"YOU SWORE!" penguin bellowed. Penguin pulled out his blueberry scented, blue, anti-bacterial, foam blaster soap with extra foaming action and said, "No one swears in front of me and gets a way with it!"  
  
"No! Anything but the soap! ANYTHING BUT THE SOAP!" the EMT shouted.  
  
The penguin sprayed the foam blaster soap at the EMT...  
  
"I'm melting! I'm melting!" AND THE EMT MELTED! -dun dun DUN!-  
  
"Hey," Harry said, "doesn't that happen at the end?"  
  
"Who cares?" the penguin said. "The guy swore on THIS page of the story, so he gets melted on THIS page!"  
  
"But what about Dudley?" Cho asked.  
  
"Shut up, Cho! You'll ruin the ending!"  
  
A scarlet letter book hit Harry in the back of the head for his stupidity.  
  
"Ow!" Harry said.  
  
"Hey everybody," Snape said, "where's the tin man?"  
  
"Neville? NEVILLE?!?!?!?!?!" everyone shouted.  
  
"I'm right here, b---...idiot!" Neville said.  
  
"Hey, there's Emerald City!" Cho said.  
  
"Cho, that's Sapphire City. See how it's blue?" the penguin explained in a lovey-dovey voice.  
  
"Oh... Look! There it is!" Cho exclaimed.  
  
"Cho, that's the Scarlet Letter city!" Harry said.  
  
"Ooooh! I see it!" Cho squealed.  
  
"Cho, that's Emerald City," Neville said.  
  
"So we're there!" Cho squawked.  
  
"No, we're not there, we're going to Emerald City," Snape said.  
  
"And that's Emerald City," Cho explained.  
  
Suddenly, screams erupted from everywhere.  
  
"DID THE AUTHOR USE 'CHO' AND 'EXPLAINED' IN THE SAME SENTENCE?" Cath's older sister screamed.  
  
"THEY DID!" Faith's little sister shouted.  
  
"BACK OFF! THIS IS OUR STORY!" Faith shouted.  
  
"Shhhhhh!" the rest of the world said.  
  
"Now, let's be reasonable," Bill Clinton said. "If they used those two words in the same sentence, they must have had a purpose!"  
  
"Clinton's on their side!" someone screamed.  
  
"Why don't you guys gang up on him and we finish our story?" Cath said.  
  
"Sounds good to me," the manufacturer of blueberry scented, blue, anti-bacterial, foam blaster soap with extra foaming action said.  
  
"My hero..." Penguin said.  
  
"What about me?!?" Cho screamed.  
  
"Who cares about you? Did you ever make blueberry scented, blue, anti-bacterial, foam blaster soap with extra foaming action?" penguin asked.  
  
"I made blueberry scented, blue, anti-bacterial, foam blaster soap with extra foaming action and little pink seahorses floating around inside!" Cho said.  
  
"That's just stupid." Penguin said.  
  
"Well I made blueberry scented, blue, anti-bacterial, foam blaster soap with extra foaming action and little pink seahorses floating around inside AND sparkles!" the manufacturer said.  
  
"Really?!" Penguin asked.  
  
"Well I made blueberry scented, blue, anti-bacterial, foam blaster soap with extra foaming action and little pink seahorses floating around inside!" Cho screeched.  
  
"Yeah," the manufacturer said, "it's only $1.99 at the nearest CVS."  
  
"DUUUUUDE!" penguin shouted.  
  
"We have a CVS down in Emerald City!" a CVS guy said.  
  
"What are we waiting for?" Penguin asked.  
  
The group of wizard-seekers ran off towards the CVS in Emerald City.  
  
"Um..." Harry said, "what about the rioters?"  
  
"What about them?" Snape asked. "We're on THIS side of the computer, we can't hear them!"  
  
"I have an idea!" Neville said and everybody shut up and listened to him. "Why don't you riot after the story? I mean, that's why the review thing is at the end of the story!"  
  
"Ok," everybody said and sat down to enjoy the rest of the story.  
  
"CVS, here I come!" Penguin said.  
  
They started walking toward the city.  
  
8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8 


	8. Part Snow

Three guesses to what the title is!  
  
8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8  
  
When they reached then city limits they realized they couldn't get in! An army of Kraft Cheese and Mac was guarding the city!  
  
We can't get in! There's an army of Kraft Cheese and Mac guarding the city!" Cho exclaimed.  
  
"Duh, the author just said that," Penguin said.  
  
"Password!" the general box of Kraft Mac and Cheese said.  
  
"How many letters?" Harry asked.  
  
"Four," he replied.  
  
"What's the clue?" Snape said. "You know, crossword puzzles always have clues. It just wouldn't be fair."  
  
"Okay," the general said. "You're clue is damn."  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Penguin said and whipped out his blueberry scented, blue, anti-bacterial foam blaster SOAP with extra foaming action.  
  
"Hey," Neville said, "the password is SOAP!"  
  
"Come on Penguin! We're going in!" Harry shouted.  
  
"Oki," penguin said, but not before completely foaming the mac and cheese. The mac and cheese melted.  
  
"That's the second thing you've melted today!" Cho remarked.  
  
"Are you sure that's soap and not acid?" Neville asked.  
  
"I wouldn't know," penguin said sadly, "I ran out!"  
  
Everyone gasped...again. -dun dun DUN!-  
  
"HEY SOUND EFFECTS GUY! A lil late there!" penguin shouted.  
  
"We'll get some at CVS," Harry said.  
  
The searchers-of-the-wizards ran in to the Emerald City and to the nearest CVS.  
  
"Excuse me," penguin asked the nearest CVS shopper, "where is the soap?"  
  
"Over in aisle six," she replied.  
  
"Hey," Cho said, "wasn't that George Bush?"  
  
"No, no, no, Cho, that was J.R. Murray!" Harry said.  
  
"Who?" everybody else asked.  
  
"George Bush," Cho said, "wrote the Harry Potter books!"  
  
"No he didn't!" the rest shouted.  
  
"How do you know?" Cho retorted.  
  
While everybody thought about that for a while, penguin came back w/ the soap...or at least, he tried 2.  
  
"Aaaaaaaaaaah!" Harry heard penguin scream.  
  
"What is it, penguin?" Harry asked.  
  
"Th....th...the...they...they...on...they onl...they only.........have.........LIME SCENTED!!!!!!!!!!!" penguin said. (Poor penguin! We can't always be nice to him)  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! They can't be out of Blueberry!" a random shopper shouted.  
  
"Wait," Snape said, "look in the sky!"  
  
"It's a bird!" random dude said.  
  
"It's a plane!" George Bush screamed.  
  
"It's...no, it's definitely a bird." the random dude said again.  
  
"But its not just any bird," Cho said, "it's SUPERBIRD!"  
  
"What kind of a name is Superbird?" Harry asked.  
  
"It's a pirdy name," Neville said.  
  
"Oh, that's ridiculous," penguin said, "stupid stuff like that only happens in three places: the movies, Broadway, and fanfiction.net"  
  
"Well, then, this is all a dream." Snape said.  
  
"But this doesn't happen in dreams!" penguin insisted. "Only in the three places that I mentioned in my last line."  
  
"What was that?" Snape asked.  
  
"Oh, read the script," penguin said.  
  
"Sorry, can I borrow yours? I lost mine." Snape asked.  
  
"How can you lose the script?!" Penguin shouted.  
  
"I think I lost it when we fell of the edge of the earth."  
  
"Ooooooooooh," penguin said.  
  
"Maybe Superbird has another copy," Snape said.  
  
"And some blueberry scented soap!" Cho reminded them.  
  
"Not just any blueberry soap, but blueberry scented, blue, anti-bacterial, foam blaster soap with extra foaming action and little pink seahorses floating around inside AND sparkles," penguin pointed out.  
  
Snape and Penguin walked over to Superbird.  
  
"I am STUPERBIRD!" Superbird announced.  
  
"Excuse me, Superbird? You wouldn't happen to have an extra copy of the script would you?" Snape asked.  
  
"I am STUPERBIRD!!!!!! MUAHAHAHAhaHA! I wa...oh, sorry, no, I don't, I think I left it in my goody twin's lair. I am Stuperbird, Superbird's evil twin brother and he is my goody twin brother."  
  
"Then why are you here?" George Bush asked.  
  
"I was going to rob CVS, but..." Stuperbird said.  
  
"But what?" penguin asked.  
  
"But...but...but I had to go to the bathroom! Now you all think that I'm Superbird and all I wanted to do was go to the bathroom and then rob the store and... I wasn't going to do anything wrong!" Stuperbird cried. He started sobbing up a river, literally.  
  
"Aw it's ok birdie!" Cho said.  
  
Everybody in the CVS felt sorry for Stuperbird because we was a nice guy, really, and all he wanted to do was rob CVS after going to the bathroom, so the guy behind the counter proposed a deal for Stuperbird.  
  
"How about, if you stop crying, I'll give you all of the money in this register?" he asked.  
  
"Really?" Stuperbird asked, his tears slowing.  
  
"Sure," he said.  
  
"But what about all of the tears?" the random dude shouted.  
  
"We'll just pull the drain in the back," the guy said.  
  
8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8~*~8 


End file.
